transfuture

Being Me

I used this project as way to express my frustration of facing the world and identity, as well as the practice of gratitude. A reminder to always combat the hard feelings we face with refusing to close our eyes to the good.

Being trans is to be scared, joyful, religious, atheist, angry, noble, messy, outgoing, brilliant, overbearing, a sibling, a best friend, complex, simple, to be contradicting, to break simple rules like a run on sentence. All this to say, being trans is to be human. As a community, have felt the increase of hostility towards trans folks becoming more prominent in the United States in society and politics. However, our response is that trans people have always been around, and we always will be. Through kindness and existence, we will always persevere. Trans folks have always been around, and unfortunately, so has enmity. As those that came before us struggled, existed, and persevered, making the world a much safter place for us to exist than before, the torch has passed to us to keep the resistance of existence burning.

My hope for the trans future is to always be a little better than yesterday. We are human. There is so much to be fearful, frustrated, angry alongside the unfairness of having to really look at ourselves and come to terms of who we truly are. Being met with everyone else’s uncertainty and misunderstanding after the exhaustion of trying to figure it out ourselves, is maddening. I think it takes a long time to learn how to navigate the world, learning where to let things go and knowing where speaking up will be met with ambivalent but willing ears. To have the compassion and patience to know that so many people just regurgitate what has only ever been said around them. Therefore, not seeing the things they say with anger or offence, but with curiosity and encouragement of learning more and forming their own personalized opinions. Even though patience is an impossible ask with the aforementioned internal exhaustion, it is asked anyway.

My future with no transphobia is a simple one. I would be pursuing the same career, but the only safety I would be worrying about is paying attention to my tools. I would still be getting gender affirming care, but I would be discussing genuine questions and celebrating with all my family members. That is my take on this project. People ask us all kinds of questions, but in the end, overall, I would still just be me with a little less fear in this crazy world. I am a trans-masc nonbinary person in my late twenties. This holiday season I saw a family that I haven't seen in almost 10 years. From the last time they saw me, they would say I was a hard worker, honest, could be a little selfish, antisocial, nature loving, athletic, always asking how I can help. Ten years later, they can say I am a hard worker, honest, can be a little selfish, antisocial, nature loving, athletic, always asking how I can help. I am the same me. With transphobia I am all of these things, without transphobia, I am all of these things. My trans future will always be trying my best to be radically myself with or without the phobia that can follow.

The future is bright as I enthusiastically am working on saving up for top surgery, about to finish school, and happy to say that life has only been getting better as I have aged. Not to say that I don’t have to face so many challenges like everyone else but being at peace with myself and experiencing excitement as I continue to grow into myself makes the other obstacles in my life much lighter. I can work, I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, an amazing dog, I am full of gratitude and I'm me. I will be graduating from my trade school in May and starting my official career as a welder in the summer. My future consists of continuing to grow into myself and existing in tough spaces, so that I can contribute to the “a little better than yesterday”. My hope for my own trans future is to remember to hold compassion for myself and hold on to my trans joy as I continue to appreciate the good and the bad of a life worth living. My DEMAND for our trans future, is that we have delusional hope. As Franz Kafka once said, "By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it."

Contributor bio:

Jay McGuire, they/them